You take my lunch, i take your lizards [tes iV: oblivion]

So I have a twin brother, and when we were teenagers, for a while we went to the same school. My brother one day, swiped my lunch from my locker. He said he took up soccer after school, and he'd need a second lunch. I told him to stop and just buy something in the shop. He didn't listen and did the same the next day, so I gave him one more chance and told him if he took my lunch again I'd get back at him. He didn't listen.

It took me a few days to come up with an idea, and by then my brother had eaten his way through several more lunches of mine. We had to share a Ps3 in our house, and while watching him play Oblivion a day, an idea hit me. In this file, my brother was trying out efficient levelling, so he went around making use of trainers constantly. I made a note of these trainers and waited until the weekend when I could start my plan. My brother wouldn't be home all weekend, so I was free to wreck havoc on his Argonian's life.

First, I travelled to Bravil, and killed the Argonian City-Swimmer. There was a non essential Argonian knocking around, so I killed him too. This was all under the cover of darkness, no one saw or suspected a thing. I travelled to Leyawiin and killed the Argonian beggar. I killed some rich Argonian woman who just constantly muttered about her useless husband. I broke into one of the shacks, and killed the Argonian I found inside.

You can see the pattern. I was going around Cyrodiil, killing of 1-3 non essential Argonians in each city and settlement. I ran the wayshrines to remove my imfamy, after I got caught setting an Argonian on fire. My brother came back on Sunday evening, and booted up Oblivion. When I was saving over his old file, with my new and improved one, I made sure that the save image was as close as possible as his one. He didn't suspect a thing.

I had several more chances to keep killing Argonians in the coming weeks. It took a while for my brother to even notice. A fortnight after my first killing spree, I killed Marz the Restoration healer in Bravil chapel. This was a bold move, as my brother reguarly went to her for training. When he booted up his file (my file really), the next day, he travelled to Bravil and immediately noticed she was gone. I suggested the guards killed her, and he was sceptical until I showed him a UESP entry of the town guards killing City-Swimmer. He sighed and groaned about the loss of his trainer and then continued on his way.

A couple days later, all the non essential Argonians in Cyrodiil are dead. My brothers Argonian is the only one, bar one or two, in most settlements and cities. He begins to notice that something is up, when he's looking for an Argonian to kill as part of the Hermaeus Mora quest. I roll my eyes at him and tell him he's being paranoid and to go find some marauders to kill.

My original plan was to only kill Argonians, but when he didn't seem to cop on, I decided to branch out and kill more townsfolk. I started in Chorrol, where I killed everyone in the Grey Mare. I killed half of the Mages Guild there, before moving onto the Imperial City Waterfront and killing 6 pr 7 people there. I kept this going for a few days and it wasn't until one day when my brother stepped foot in the Talos Plaza district, did he finally see what was going on.

In some alleyway of sorts, between the buildings, I had killed 9 people and piled their bodies in the bushes. I wasn't able to do my usual waiting several in game days, as my brother was due to arrive home earlier than usual. I had just enough time to fast travel to his last location and save the game. When my brother arrived in, he spent a while going dungeon diving until he got a Mysterious Note to join the Thieves Guild. If you remember that first quest, you have to go to Amantius Allectius' house in the Temple district and steal his diary.

My poor dyslexic brother, chose the Talos Plaza over the Temple district.

I started getting a little nervous, and told him he was in the wrong place. "Huh? No I'm not, I've done this quest before". I repeated that he was in the wrong district. "There's a beggar around here somewhere, I'll go bribe him and see what he says". My brother goes down the alley I was just in, and he sees the pile of bodies and drops the controller in shock.

"Did you kill all these people?". I was half sure he was about to cry.

"Yeah"

"Jesus Christ. I knew I wasn't crazy, there was NPCs missing all over the fucking place". He suddenly gets annoyed.

"Why the hell did you murder the entire province?"

"You took my lunch"

"So you turned my character into a serial killer?"

"You took my lunch, I took your lizards".

He wouldn't speak to me properly for a few days. Years later, he got his own Ps3 and I did the same to his Skyrim Argonian. He got a lock for his door after that. TES VI is meant to be in Black Marsh, wonder how many Argonians I can kill there...

TL;DR dead Argonians, so many dead Argonians