Storytime: No one will ever love you [Nsis edition]

This weekend I was visiting my brother when we were talking about the possibility of me getting married. Im in a long term relationship and I'm not rushing down the altar, but I like to plan. I told him I want a quiet wedding, with a buffet style dinner, and an ipod instead of a DJ. I actually have a whole plan for a bohemian wedding with my friend who is a navy wife and gets to rent event furniture for extremely cheap due to some military program. We have a plan that will be less than 5,000 dollars, including my dress, for 30-50 guests.

I mentioned I would not be inviting the aunts, the uncles, the grandparents, and some of our family if I get married. I'm the SG, my brother knows this. So he asked who. I said "Well namely, our sister."

My Nsister has made it no secret that she blames all the problems of her life on me. When she was 16, she accused me of trying to steal her boyfriends (I was 8). Then when I turned 19 she got drunk and stripped down in front of my then-boyfriend. She stole my clothes after I had surgery and was immobile. She comments how she wanted a sister then regretted it because I was "prettier" than her (I'm overweight, short, and don't know how to girl, and she's skinny and blonde, but okay). During her wedding she put all the tables in the same reception room, but I, her fucking bridesmaid, was put in a different room at a lone table with 10 people I didn't recognize.

She encouraged my parents to beat me and pushed them into it because I never gave her what she wanted. She tried to convince my parents to give her my car which they (thankfully) refused because I needed one to get to classes and work, whereas she lived in a city that charged 50k for parking and has a great commute system in place. Also she was 28 and married.

But the best and most wonderful aspect of Nsister was her version of the "Nobody loves you" monolog I kept hearing my entire life. I spent Christmas eve of my 20th year with my parents and then Christmas with the rest of my family. I believed I was staying the night at my other brothers house, as that's what had been scheduled, but my sister decided I was staying at HER place.

In the afternoon she asked me if I wanted to go with her shopping or to get my nails done. I, a poor college student who just spent my entire savings on mandatory family gifts, with nails bitten to stubs from stress said (shockingly), no thanks. Instead I played videogames until we went over to the Christmas celebration that night.

The entire night Nsister was bitchy and yelled at me for taking her seat after she left for 10 minutes (I had been sitting on the floor) and basically everything else. She ordered me to help more with the serving of the food while my brothers got to sit on the couch. I did, and I didn't make a fuss about it.

The next night, my sister takes me aside and tells me

"[Old name],

As you are right now, no one will ever love you. You're selfish, a slob, ungrateful and you're overweight. You play videogames, curse too much, and your relationships are unhealthy. You need to change."

I said nothing. She prodded and prodded, but I gray rocked. Finally she asked me if I was upset. I said "Wouldn't you be?"

It was like an explosion. She shouted, screamed, tried to kick me out. I locked myself in the guest room, bought a train ticket home, and called my mother to tell her what had happened. My sister and her argued for hours, and my sister argued with her husband too, who was not going to kick me out. He came in the next morning, begging me not to leave because it meant this would never get fixed. I told him that you can't fix something that never existed in the first place, and left.

I wish I could say that was the last time I ever saw her. She called me once to tell me she was 6 months pregnant and I said "That's nice" and hung up. I saw her once after that and then never came home. She sent me a letter when I graduated grad school; I threw it away.

If nobody loves me the way I am, then I figure she should have no problem with me not in her life. Somehow though, I still get phone calls from mommy dearest "ordering" me to talk to her again. Yeah. No. It's been 6 years since my last word for her. My goal is fifty.