How to cope with the aftermath of angry, narcissistic abuse?

I saw a neat little poem which immediately made me think of my father. It was titled 'Narcissists prayer'. So I looked up blogs and posts by people who've been through it. This was one of them: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/narcissism/2016/04/watched-and-judged/

I realised that many of the symptoms of anxiety I experience are a result of having lived through years of narcissistic abuse.

It was often physical but almost regularly verbal. It's strange how I never realised it before today. It was emotional bashing targeted at almost every aspect of me that did not agree with his expectation. Introvert? Sensitive? Carefree?

I noticed this pattern immediately in the way he treated my mother as well. He was never physical (I trust my mother's word on this one) but he was certainly verbally destructive.

Both of us have serious self-esteem issues today.

Now here's the catch. I still want his validation, even after realising this and I still feel sorry for him. He had a tough life (in his own words) and went through a bad phase.

He has a grip over his anger issues now and he's a more restrained person but he still uses the same arguments and tactics when he speaks.

I'm quite confused and my emotions are in a completely jumbled up mess. I don't want to blame everything wrong in my life on one man but it's also plainly true that what he did was violently abusive.

What can I do to stop wanting his validation and acceptance, move past it and actually become my own person?

p.s. I am from India and I currently live at home with them. No job, no hobbies, cut ties with most of my friends. You get the drill.