I didn't want it like this

2 years ago a married dude starts flirting with me. I don't really take it further because he is married...l begged my best friend for help but she gave the green light. It was persistent and he told me he was divorcing and his marriage was irreconcilable and this and that. 🌷

We were together for 2 years..... I fell for his charm. He was supportive during terrible times I had. We were real, 100% legit. ❤️ I never felt this way then...

about 8 months in, he had a baby with his wife. He never told me. I was in shock and didn't know what to do. I found out on Facebook. I was hurt from the secrets but I still loved him, we all make mistakes. (Not the baby, untruthfulness)

We continued to work on us the best we could and had loved each other every step of the way. We couldn't get enough of each other....it was one of those attractions that no one could break apart ever.

He still planned on co-parenting and divorcing and told me he didn't know about the pregnancy until May, when he announced it with her (in secret) in March.

One morning a text message went to his iPad that I sent and his wife saw from me this January that pretty much ended it all. I was first emailed and phoned relentlessly to be called every name in the book.

He had her the entire time though... I was so clueless. I was broken up with 3/17 via over the phone.

I was a wreck and am so sorry 😐 she didn't know or that the divorce was a ruse...

She sent me email after email after email to meet so she could get closure, I obliged. I was scared but I felt being honest was the only way to apologize. I was truthful with everything.

THEN I got another email saying I was crazy he never loved me and this and that and I should be more careful of who I give my heart out too.

She recanted THAT email 2 hours later then invited me to the house so I could have closure w him, I didn't know what I was thinking.... he just ran away and never wants to speak with me again. I was trying make up for my transgressions. 💔

She understood I was lied too as well and in love with someone who she was finding out wasn't who he said he was. I felt so bad....That's why I went over there. 🥀

I'm so broken... I hurt 😭 so many people but all I wanted was to love.

He is still the love of my life, no matter how many times he lied. Our love and lovings weren't a lie... He was only the 2nd person I've made love with my entire, pitiful life......

1. I never in my life thought I'd have been strong enough to face her, was that right to do?

2. I know I may never see him again, I'm finding myself begging for his forgiveness, I guess that's what happens when people like me get caught up in situations like these. No. Way. Out. My soul is damned forever, I hurt people, and I don't feel much like living