The girl.

Welcome to the world of poetry! Very quickly I want to a share a quote I read today,

We are so used to the conventions of fiction, so used to engaging in what Coleridge called the willing suspension of disbelief, that we miss the paradox beneath our noses, that truth arises not from the labouring reason of the poet, but from his playfulness, his freedom to invent. - Malcolm Guite

I share that to help provide you some information about what poetry entails. Now for the critiquing:

Line 1 and 2: "A girl sits**,** her head draped in black cloth, / she has no mother, anymore. (or even, thus more?)"

Lines 3 and 4: "Do the bells that toll for some among us, now only ring for one? / This Sunday morn**,** I swear I heard, another bell upon my ear."

I absolutely love the last line! Specifically how you used morn and then this: "another bell upon my ear." Let me tell you something. You are doing way better than I did when I started. Keep it up :)

Hello, friend!

We're happy you're here! We appreciate your poem and especially your willingness to participate in the Feedback Exchange Program. However, we have noticed that the feedback you've offered is below the minimum standards of effort that we've set out as part of the Exchange.

 

• Notably, this particular post has been flagged as a low-effort critique, because, while it mentions that you like/dislike the poem, it fails to give any mention of details about why.

 

What do I mean by "low effort critique"? Well, you can go here to read the whole wiki if you want, but I'll summarize it for you. Basically, we require that linked feedback be a bit more than "I like your poem" or "Your poem sux lol". Feedback should benefit both you and the author by making an attempt to say why you liked or did not like the piece.

I'm not going to take any action this time on your poem, but please consider this a friendly reminder. If we see a pattern of low-effort critique from a particular author, we mods have, at our discretion, the ability to remove an author's post until he/she complies with both the letter and the spirit of the rule. Again, thank you for contributing to r/OCPoetry. We hope you enjoy our community and become a vibrant part of our success.

 

~your friendly neighborhood mod, u/actualnameisLana

Holy punctuation, this is hard to parse.

A girl sits**,** her head draped in black cloth,

adding that comma makes this significantly easier to read I think

a mother she has no more.

this language sounds straight-up tortured. Why did you invert the sentence here?

Do the bells that toll for some among us**,** now**,** only ring for one?

again this is hard to read without the commas (you don't necessarily need both i added in bold)

This Sunday morn I swear I heard~~,~~ another bell upon my ear.

and you actually don't need this comma.

On the actual piece, I feel its a bit too direct for the subject matter (and too vague). Try finding specific (read: unique or strange) ways to show the grief. Funeral bells are a bit broad.