a haiku
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Posted Apr 28, 2017, 3:29 PM UTC · edited
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Saaaaaaaaand!! Good to see you posting your work again!
Love this haiku btw. Not much to criticize. It's p much perfect.
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Thanks Lana! <3 Feels good to be back :)
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This is a lovely haiku. Clear, simple, vivid image. Personally, I think it works better with the 'a' in there.
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Thank you! Dealing with articles is a part of haiku with which I still struggle, so I am trying to get a good idea of when to use them or not! Thanks for the feedback :)
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I struggle with the same thing.
The reason it works for me here is that "windless night" sounds a little unnatural, so keeping the 'a' just makes the language more transparent, not drawing too much attention to itself.
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It's very pleasant; I don't like how some of the little poetry I've read so far uses the obvious couples of nature (like opposites) and I found it somewhat refreshing to see a reference to two elements of nature that compliment each other not in their faults or as opposites, but by evoking the same feeling of melancholy and peacefulness (snow that falls gently and nights undisturbed by winds that would also give a sort of aggressive feel to the snow). I wouldn't change anything in it.
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I like the imagery in this haiku. The 'a' in the last like is essential. The main subject in this line is night and windless is the attribute you are assigning. It is almost similar to saying a hopeless romantic, the romantic is the wind (Except in this haiku it is the snow, or so I think). But it is a very good piece, with many layers of depth, and can lead to some vivid imagery. Thanks for this piece!
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Simple and clean. Quite vivid.
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Haikus are my favourite form of poetry and this is a very good one with some vivid imagery. I am a little confused as to why the 2nd and 3rd lines are one syllable down though but that might be me being narrow minded, I've only just got back into poetry. At the end of the day, your art can be however you want it.
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To me, this is an image, or a short video if you will, it takes me back to a place I've been, maybe seen in a movie, in a dream, or in another life, and that's what it does to each and every reader, each and his memories. I wouldn't overstate its depth and imagery, because to me, it is the image, or rather, it is the bullet that shot us through the image.
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This is very nice. The imagery is clean and crisp, but the poem has a layer of depth as well, imo. The feeling I get from this poem is a calm melancholy, if that makes sense.
Personally I like it better with "a windless night". I think just windless night pulls the focus away from the non-dancing snow too much.
Thanks :)