Source
r/OCPoetry•
__wordweaver

Your Name Here

Feedback Received!

Sometimes I used to hear it
in a crowded room
or whispered in a silent library
My head would whip around
hoping I'd catch who it was for

Even if it's not for you (it never is),
it's was still nice to know
Someone carried it around for me
To hear sometimes

When I first heard it,
I thought "so beautiful"
Hearing the waves roll into my ear
It was my favorite 1 second song

You corrected me the first time I said it
I didn't mean to mispronounce,
it's just that I was nervous
Thinking I wouldn't say it as
beautifully as I first heard

Now....it sits stale in the air
Rolling in circles for no one to hear
There's too much pain to that name
I no longer want to hear it again

 https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/683poc/hd_study_2/dgwf0dw

 https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/68042k/dinner/dgwf2a3

Posted Apr 29, 2017, 6:20 AM UTC · edited

66
Helhoundsagas•

I really like some of the word choice, "stall in the wind" it doesn't quite roll but it's different and I like it. The poem definitely has a strong message but needs a slower pace and more of a build up to the end.

1
Madalaski•

I love the story and the objectification of it all. I think the general flow and rhythm could do with a touch up but overall, really strong poem.

1
a-rose-by-any-name•

So lovely and haunting and sad and true. I so relate because I have changed my name. My original one used to seem magic and now it, too, is hung with rain.

1
_nicole__h_•

I like this poem a lot, I just think you should double check your grammar and replace stall with stale. I like the feelings that this poem gave me.

1
Elcarima•

I know we're suppose to have in depth responses and critiques, but holy hell I love this poem, and it's really as simple as that. It...it just...like it says so concisely and beautiful something I would naver have even put to thought had I not read it. Thanks for sharing.

1
felixled45•

Dude I enjoyed this a lot. It inspired me to write something.

1