camel blue.
drape a duvet over a corpse.
a final warmth to the cold
caused by a killer who lit the fire of a soul.
drag from a smolder and stop.
lost and found in a second
with a death wish and a blissful ignorance.
an exchange to engage with relief.
not the time or place to confront
but always appropriate to embrace.
a solace with a sentence.
give in to its grip.
it’s love without the maintenance.
Posted Apr 30, 2017, 11:28 PM UTC · edited
25
I really enjoyed your diction. I think it really lent well to the tone that you were going for, and made it quite obvious what you were intending the reader to feel. If I had to critique anything I'd say that i'm not sure the final line had quite the impact I was expecting given the rest of the piece, but that could just be me. Great overall though!
thanks for your feedback :)
being a smoker, there's nothing better than spending some time with a cigarette. it's a cure-all and a murderer at the same time. thinking about it scientifically, nicotine increases the level of dopamine, which is also secreted when a person falls in love. everyone knows smoking is bad, but who wants to give up something that makes you feel so loved when the world is against you? essentially, it is love without the maintenance, because you don't maintain the habit. the habit maintains you.