City Lights

Feedback Received!

your white dress your smile your alcohol
spilling from your glass
and your soul, glowing
dimly lit yellow warmth
makes the shadow of your mouth
dance on the wall,
the city around us
dances, your laugh
around me dances,
and I fall deeper with
every act like
the way you lift your glass to drink,
blink twice and smile
and the contours of your cheeks
become rivers, I become drunk on
the way your head tilts slightly
when you talk, on the way
the crease of your mouth
pouts slightly when you listen,
and the whole time your eyes
stare softly into mine

1 2

Posted May 2, 2017, 5:46 AM UTC

23
Zinchism•

I liked the imagery in this one. You can really feel the mood.

1
chair-ableOP•

thank you :)

1
ettuaslumiere•

I like this poem, and I like the way the lines flow into each other without stopping because it captures the mood. But that flow makes the poem tend towards the ending, and so I think the conclusion has to be really strong. I like the final lines, but I think you could end it with something stronger.

1