Yawning grey
Light relays
Soft-lipped pain
Streetlights bright
At the dawn of a day.
Lover-like
Cold as clay.
Mist o' the morning-
Sorrow stolen form in haze.
Sun: slipped and sold
Tumbled through cloud break
Weary world
Welts and all
Still worth the weight.
Fractured bits of fog
A single ray.
Sneaking
Unchecked among
An endless procession of dove-grey days.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/69k3if/the_drowners/dh7qp6b/?context=3
Posted May 6, 2017, 6:47 PM UTC
I really like the brief and kind of disjointed feeling here. It's like you just barely touch on the important parts of what you want the audience to see. Totally the opposite of my style. I like it!
Thanks!! Yeah I tend to be a bit minimalist on some poems. Here I was just trying to capture a fleeting feeling, driving to work on a foggy lonely Sunday morning.
I think this poem is great. I like how you cut up the lines to make it not traditional.
Thank you!
I wish I could write like this. I find it incredibly inspirational. It's amazing. Keep sharing your work, you're phenomenal.
I love me a dove grey day but a string of dove grey days got me feeling the same type of way your poem conveys. I max out at 3 consecutive dove grey days. I appreciate your poem reminding me of that