Head of a Woman
[deleted]
Posted May 7, 2017, 2:08 PM UTC
32
Hey OP,
I quite liked this. I feel like that that the overarching theme - the link between the ocean/coastal imagery with that of woman - gets lost in the firsts stanza without the title, though.
On that note, the rheme with the ocean stuff is a little nebulous at times and it doesn't serve the poem well. It ties itself back together with "Deep off to sea" but other than that I feel like it could be stronger. I don't have specific suggestions because mine would get in the way of what is a good poem, so this is all just for you to mull over.
Great work :)
1
[deleted]
Thanks a bunch mate. I'm actually really happy to hear someone else recognizing my work as repetitive in its concerns as its been bugging me a minute. I was actually trying to stay away from that here (the dagger in this piece is cutting into the painting's canvas rather than a person -- though I think I botched the phrasing on that), but it's not successful. Will be needing to stop writing for a bit probs.