I think some more line breaks would be your friends.
Other than that, I think you do a good job describing, though maybe because of the format, its a bit hard to get into for some reason ? 
Though, you carry the whole poem describing a feeling, I can't help but feel like something is missing overall. Sometimes (at least I find) its hard to write about overwhelming feelings without trying to describe the very feeling itself but Im wondering if maybe you tried using the feeling as a way to write, but not the exact subject of what you write about?? Or if you took some of your imagery and broke up your sentence structure a bit so it wasn't so formal?

Keep writing :_)

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Satisfied