I do agree with you buddy, but maybe sounding powerful wasn't their goal.
and as you said, these are just opinions...

I don't know man, if I read the poem without it (rearranging sentence structure a bit of course) it sounds more powerful. It's just my taste of course.

I think the 'what if' part comes from the writer's insecurity or hesitation. I'm not sure but I think it fits perfectly.

Hey man, in the end, who the fuck am I, you do you. S'all just suggestions.

Wow thanks. Never thought of it from that perspective. I wrote it while questioning myself about what drives us. Hence the what ifs..

I like the point of this poem, that what keeps us going comes from within. However, I don't really understand what the 'What if...' structure of this poem adds to that? Wouldn't the poem be more powerful if you just stated it as fact? If you were to put that idea into writing using direct and assertive language the audience would do the questioning for you.

I love the this piece. and I agree the light does shine from within. you seem confused , ( I mean the 'what if' repetition ) and that's totally understandable, but obviously you won't stop until you shine bright, you're holding on .... pressing on..

Totally agree with /u/tokentaclops regarding the What if. State it as fact. I'd also think about working with the final quote. "My dear" can either conjure an image of a sweet old grandma, or a british chap, or something else entirely, but it seems the poem calls for something more forceful. Great job!

Hey. Thanks for being vulnerable. I felt warm reading your poem and I think you are on the right track. Great choice of vocabulary, I would suggest for you to play around with line spacing near the end of the poem. A few hanging lines or even another lone stanza could really give it a punchy ring and leave a lasting impression on the reader. I would re-think the 'what if' part as well. It's half cliche, half preachy Evangelical pamphlet. Thank you for sharing! 

What if   
the light at the end of the tunnel   
is not as far-off as it seems?   

What if   
that light evolves from within us?   
Salvaging every little spark of hope   
left in our Innermost chambers   
and coalescing them into a distant body   
that lights up in the darkness   
calling unto our weary souls–   
"press on, my dear, press on!"


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/69ssgh/i_think_crows_probably_offer_up_something_more_to/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/69iymm/marriage_mirage/

I dont know if this is a good piece. Just some thoughts i decided to put into writing. Dont know what to do with it. id really appreciate some ideas and suggestions