Yeah, sorry, I hope I wasn't too harsh. Um. I guess, try showing, more than telling? The line "she falters now; you wonder why" is a good illustration of what I mean.  Try describing her faltering; instead of just telling me to wonder, make me wonder by making the faltering feel more unexpected or surprising, perhaps with vivid adverbs/adjectives or a comparison to something else.  

I think I'd revise out the second person reaction descriptions and replace them with imagery designed to invoke the reactions from the reader.  :) Hope this is more helpful than my previous comment. 

While I've always loved the phoenix myth, your poem feels a little bland to me. It's more matter of fact than poetic. As a poem, it rhymes, but it doesn't live.

Tacking on to what milgita said, I'd make sure your meter's solid in a piece like this.  Another bit of fun would be to make the first and last lines the same, to keep with the idea of the phoenix mythos as a cycle.

The Phoenix