Okay, i give up. I'm bipolar.

I was only diagnosed four months ago. I had convinced myself I wasn't really bipolar, so began to titrate down without supervision and then quit completely.

Last night while at Barnes and noble I truly felt like I was about to have a break down and remind myself of my sanity. I had to tell myself to go home and take my meds and everything would be okay. I have never felt so close to the brink of insanity. People were staring at me, people in magazines were staring at me, I had to constantly tell myself that it wasn't real. I took my meds and doubled up on anxiety meds. Still manic but don't feel on the brink.

So today I will finally start to grieve. Feels strange because on one hand I always wanted definitive proof, but on the other hand I always thought it wasn't real, that I had made up my symptoms or that I wanted attention. But now I know, and can grieve, and get on with my life.

Just wanted to share, don't know why.