My GF (30/f) seems ridiculously unhappy yet planning for our future. I (33/m) feel tired of the negativity on display all the time.

So, we have been together just over 2 years, we live together. I need to make some things clear here. both of her previous relationships were disasters in the sense that... well lets just say it left some scarring. I love her, she loves me. however, she never seems to smile, she always greets me at the door with a blank expression. she is very meticulous and what I consider an "expect the worst" type of person. whereas I am a very relaxed, "hope for the best" type person. She wants to do things NOW, i want to finish what i am currently doing and then do the next thing in line.

She is always planning for us to have kids and get married. However, she can't communicate effectively, whenever I try to bring something up that I feel is important to discuss, she becomes volatile.. takes things very personally, can't discuss, always has to be on the defensive. Her morning messages to me are more along the lines of "you left a light on in the office" rather than "good morning have a great day" She gets mad at me for being active, she gets mad at me for wanting to learn and better myself, it feels like jealousy more than anything. I try talking to her about it and she shuts down and refuses to talk....this is the same person who wants to cooperatively bring a child into the world. I need someone I can communicate with, someone who greets me the same way I try to greet them, someone who encourages me to be better as i would them.

Instead I feel her sighs all the time when i do something that upsets her....i mean like.. all the time.

I am also someone who desperately needs quiet and alone time but when there is all this tension in the air.... I can't even enjoy that.

I am not saying I am perfect, Far from it... but the negativity I feel from her so often is affecting my sex drive, my ability to look forward to intimacy, i feel myself detaching because I don't want kids anymore. I feel like this is a disaster waiting to happen.

I may not be as urgent as she is on the small stuff. but the big stuff I am a driving force, I may not be as meticulous as she is, I may not let small things bother me because they just arent worth my mental real estate but to her she boils over spilled milk.

I don't want to waste her time but I feel like whenever I try to discuss these things that bother me i am just faced with her immediate retreat to "OH ITS ALL MY FAULT...WELL YOU DID THIS..THIS..AND THIS.." it is counter productive. I have found myself looking at new rental suites just to see if anything seems like it would be comfortable.

What would you suggest? I have tried to communicate but it just seems to difficult. With her impending requirement for kids and my lacking any interest I feel like i should tell her soon before she feels like shes wasted her time but how the fuck do i do that when she cannot talk things through like an adult.

EDIT: I should add to be fair that when she is happy and affectionate, she is amazing and thoughtful and everything that goes along with it. But the focus on this post is on how she handles things and how uncomfortable it can be.