Debilitating guilt and feeling like I'm evil.

I honestly feel like I'm just pure evil. Like my brain wiring or biology was set in stone from the day I was born to be the worst person possible.

I've read things about how people with BPD are sociopaths, how we lack empathy and how we're masters of manipulation and deception. When I found that out last year, I broke up with my girlfriend because I came to the realization that, as a partial sociopath, my feelings of love had to be fake. It was shitty of me to start the relationship in the first place. I hurt her deeply when I came out and told her I'm basically a sociopath and that it was apparently impossible for me to feel love. Despite this, it seems like my brain fakes feelings that even I don't realize are fake.

Anyways, because of this, I've developed a strict moral code. I do not allow myself to talk to others. I am a complete recluse who only leaves the house once a week for therapy because I feel like the simple act of talking to someone is a crime. Like I'm too evil and shouldn't subject others to my presence or something. I only allow myself to talk to others when I'm helping someone. For example, last week I purchased a piece of art that I didn't even like from an artist because they were struggling.

The guilt is killing me. I feel like I'm literally supposed to kill myself to rid the world of my fucking disgusting existence. I hate myself so much it hurts. But that's probably a good thing, I guess.