[F22] Pain during PIV sex [pain] [tearing] [size]

As the title states, my partner and I have a lot of trouble with regular PIV sex due to pain during. We've been having PIV sex for about a year and a half, and during that time it's been a constant issue. My partner has a very large penis, falling into the 99th-100th percentile on both length and width, which is a large part of the cause, I'm sure. We started using fingers/oral stimulation to warm me up and copious amounts of lube (silicone and water based, as well as coconut oil), but when I was still in a large amount of pain after long foreplay sessions, we started incorporating toys into our foreplay. We started with a clit vibrator to use while he fingered me, thinking that if I could "get turned on more" it might help after reading suggestions here, but that still left us with the same result. After that, we incorporated dildos, then larger dildos, and then even larger vibrating dildos, but even still I'm left crying and bleeding afterward from being torn at the base/bottom of my vaginal opening. My partner genuinely cares about me and I know it kills him to hurt me, so he sometimes would rather just not have PIV sex at all, but I feel like I'm less of a woman for not being able to satisfy him with PIV sex, and every time we do it (unless I'm drunk) I'm in so much pain. Can anyone recommend things to help us be able to achieve PIV sex that doesn't lead to excruciating amounts of pain? I don't want either of us to spend our lives like this, unable to have the sex we want, but we are out of ideas. Also, I'm afraid that his size might be a mismatch for my vagina. I feel like I am a very "normal" size, not particularly small, but that his penis might be too big and no matter what we do, I'll always be left torn and hurt. Is this a possibility?