I'm sad. I wanted badly to be one of y'all.

I was not chosen for sisterhood in ADPi. I am regretting ever since choosing to go through with initiation into the sorority I did receive a bid from. That was 3 years ago. I think about it almost every day. I feel deep, deep regret about it. I can't even explain how horribly it hurts.

It seems like all the important women in my life are ADPis, too. That hurts even worse. I was nervous during recruitment. I didn't do that great. I feel that they didn't see the real me. :( I wish I could've gone back and started over and done it again knowing what I know now. I am so, so sad.

I don't know why I'm posting this here. It's probably all in vain and stupid of me... Because nothing can be done at this point but I just.. Needed to.