I'm sick of working. Every job is a shitshow. I'm unemployed and I can't bring myself to take getting a new job seriously.

I'm 33, and I've been working full time for 18 years. Only twice have I ever gone through a period of unemployment, and both times were less than a year. I have fucking NOTHING to show for my 18 years of work. I have no retirement, I don't have any certifications that have crossed over from job to job, I've never once received recognition for my hard work in any other way than a weekly/biweekly paycheck. What I DO have is a resume filled with jobs that treated me like absolute shit and burned me out to the point where I'd rather just be homeless and beg than ever work one single fucking day ever again. I've lost out on job opportunities because "we couldn't reach your references" HOW IS THAT MY FUCKING FAULT?! I was once told I couldn't be considered for the role because I lived too far away. They had my fucking information and made me drive all the way to the interview to tell me I lived too far and I wasn't a candidate for the position. My last job I can't put on my resume because, even after 9 months of working there, I legit had zero clue what my job responsibilities were! All I was shown was to download files sent from other operators, and to upload them to a repository. Then they sign a new contract and after January my job became download the files, upload them to the repository and then wait for a phone call to be told how you did 13 things wrong, you're not allowed to do anything to fix the errors, but YOUD BETTER NEVER MAKE THESE ERRORS EVER AGAIN, despite the fact that I wasn't actually doing any work other than uploading files that were sent to me. Mistakes were shit like the files being named wrong, but you weren't allowed to rename the files, and you weren't allowed to contact the person who sent you the files to have them fix it. So it was either it was right, and woohoo! Or it was wrong and you got a stern talking to, despite you having ZERO to do with why something was wrong.

I can't put "I uploaded files and then my manager would call me and tell me I did it wrong" on my fucking resume, but THATS WHAT MY FUCKING JOB WAS!

I can't put down on my resume that I was terminated from UHG because the office is filled with catty women and my manager was a sexist cunt, and had this verified by working with a woman at my last job who ALSO worked at UHG and didn't last more than a few months herself.

I can't put down that I worked at Staples and they hired me for Easy Tech but bait and switched me into stocking shelves.

I can't say during a job interview, "I was fired from TWC because I knew that the company was going to get rid of everyone in my department anyways, I saw it coming, saw what they were doing was completely illegal and wouldn't shut up about it." I CAN'T say I knew what they were doing was illegal and stood up for myself and my co-workers, which got me fired. I DEFINITELY can't say that I was taken off the floor for suggesting this job was abusive, and told by a supervisor that I can't say stuff like that, the very same supervisor that treated the person who trained me like shit RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

I can't say I quit doing cable installations because they sent me to Summerville for a week and one of their techs tried to steal my meter and the supervisor wouldn't do anything about it.

I can't say I quit Carolina Labor Solutions because the manager was constantly fucked up on Lean.

I can't say I was fired from Optimum for having emergency oral surgery, getting my time off approved but getting fired for it anyway.

I can't tell them I have a medical necessity for marijuana because without it I can't sleep, can't eat and I'm overwhelmed by intensely negative thoughts.

...I don't know if I can do this anymore...