Just when I thought I was out, she pulls me back in.

To be fair...she is married. And 13 years older than me. And a Jehovah's Witness.

Anyway, we work together. Known each other 6 months. She is saying I'm her best friend, I'm the only one who makes her smile and giggle when she's bad or had a bad day. She is always giving and never receiving, only I was different, see I am special. When she is down I draw a post-it note of her in a woodland lodge to cheer her up. She says there's one thing missing and draws me on it. She says 'Sweet dreams, Misiek' (Misiek is Teddy Bear in Polish)

She opens up about her marriage unprompted. Tells me when she got married 20 years ago she ran away 600km because she was having problems. Tells me she hid in an attic for 3 days too. She tells me she would be happier alone. At the same time, I'm the only one who cheers her up, she has never had a connection with anyone the way she has with me. She is touching me a lot. We have a chemistry and a spark, everybody else on the team sees it and they're always joking about us being a couple.

Then we have a team night out. We meet for coffee beforehand and she tells me she got married to escape her Mum's influence and that it wasn't the best idea. Her whole life could be different. Everyone is drinking. At the meal she says "Everyone must like you because you're being yourself." She says "Do you want to know a secret...you are my best friend." Outside the restaurant she falls into my arms and wraps her arms around me. In the bar afterwards, she does it again and she wants to stay after everyone leaves. We dance together and we kiss. I instigated it, though don't remember. She kissed back. We walk to the train station and we kiss again.

Next week at work, she won't talk about it with me. Eventually though, she says she enjoyed it. She agrees it's like we're halfway between friends and relationship. She continues touching me. I tell her I have some feelings to her and I'm attracted to her. Next week, I'm texting and say something she doesn't get and I say:

"Maybe you're just that sweet and innocent." She says "Haha maybe I am." I say "Mayyyyybe. Maybe not." She says she was just about to say the same.

Next day she tells me she likes my eyes and my voice, she can listen to me talk all day. She doesn't know why I like her so I write her a little list of funny reasons why I like her. I have her in hysterics all the time at work. She texts me 4 times to say she loves it but messages don't come through next day she seems upset at this.

Then she just calls it off. Says she isn't available, and won't be, she says that she was telling me about things in her past but things changed and she is happy now (she thinks). She says "I did think 'what could be if', but I couldn't dwell on that thought."

Then she eventually tells me she has and never has had any attraction or feelings beyond being a friend. I'm like...what was that week about? She says she can't open up to her husband and confide in him like she can me or be herself around him, he doesn't have the same sense of humour.

So I've moved myself at work for the time being. Only went for it because of how she was on the night out and lost my best friend in the process.