TIFU Not Once, but Twice

TL;DR stepped on glass, fell on thorns. Always wear shoes in the basement and never venture into thornbushes for chickens or anything else. Also, I'm on mobile, so if it formats badly I'm so sorry. Okay Reddit, this is my first submission, both in this thread and on Reddit itself. In the true spirit of TIFU, this is something(two somethings) that happened yesterday and the day before. My fuckup started the night before last, when I decided to take a shower before putting my Flemish Giant in the basement where she lives. I hadn't spent that much time with her recently, and so I stupidly decided to shower with her in the bathroom with me so that she could have more leg stretch time, and I could get nice and clean. Being an idiot, I thought this would be fine, so I toed off my sneakers, disrobed, and proceeded to shower while my massive bun explored the room. Contrary to what you'll expect, however, this is not where the fuckup begins, since my beautiful rabbit is well behaved most of the time. I finished my shower and dressed while my bunny lounges on the floor like the goddess she is. I decide I really should put her back in her cage so she can eat. Of course, having just showered, I hesitate to put my smelly shoes back on, so I say 'heck it,' and decide to go barefoot. Bad. Decision. I made it down three steps before I feel a shooting pain in my foot. Thinking I stepped on a rock, I ignored it, and put my rabbit away. My foot, instead of hurting less, now hurts more. Much more. I look down at it and it's bleeding. Aw heck. As far as I can figure, I stepped on a splinter or a piece of glass, and is now imbedded in my foot. Despite my best efforts, whatever it was is still in there. Which brings us to yesterday's fuckup. I went to feed our chickens but accidently let all of them out. Several of them ran into the thorn bushes behind our coop, so I decide to use the clippers to trim back the thorn so I could reach them. That idea didn't work. Now our coop is at the base of a hill, and the thorns go up most of the hill, but it's steep, so if you approach from the top carefully enough, you can step on the thorn plants instead of in them. Naturally I decide this is the best way to retrieve the wayward birds. Bad plan. Halfway down the hill of thorns my foot, the one with the piece of hellfire still imbedded in it, decides to give out, plummeting me to my horrible fate. Wanting to live above all else, I flail around and grab the nearest thing I can: a dead vine. Needless to say that didn't help. Thankfully I emerged with no serious damage, but lots of scratches of various depths. I did eventually get the effin' birds though.