How do you stop being a bad person?

Tbh, idk if this post fits here because this is my first reddit post and I was lead to this subreddit by googling a similar question to this. But anyway, here it is, how do I stop being a bad person?

So without being too specific I'm a young female who struggles with some pretty severe depression and anxiety. Also diagnosed ADHD with some have serious difficulties regulating my emotions. I'm getting help for all of this though.

It's kinda shitty having all these fucking issues because I have some smaller problems which aren't problematic enough for me to spend time talking with to my psychologist. So I decided I'm going to ask reddit, I guess.

Hmm so yeah, from a basic understanding of what a bad person is, I think you could class me as one.

Something has recently come to my attention and it is that I have changed a whole lot. I don't know if I want to fix this because it doesn't really bother me all the time, but it is an issue for other people and also inhibits me from being able to have regular relationships.

I have done some pretty shitty things over the past year and I don't feel any remorse, in fact, for a while I enjoyed having people angry at me. I can remember when people found out I had done said "shitty thing" and were getting angry or upset towards me about it, I couldn't help but smile.

I wont go into it but I guess I do some generally shitty things. Stealing, cheating, lying etc with absolutely no remorse. I'll be honest, the only time I feel negative about doing those things is when it negatively impacts me. Like I'm caught and I have to suffer a consequence that I don't like, then yeah, I'll probably feel like shit.

Another thing is, I go through periods of time where I feel almost completely emotionless and then all of a sudden for a certain amount of time all the emotion hits me at once. I usually feel one emotion really intensely which has lead to some rash decisions and saying things I probably shouldn't have said.

For example, there is this boy I have been speaking to for the past 2 years or so. He has told me he is in love with me and I told him I loved him too. When I get those random spikes of emotion, I think I do love him. But the rest of the time I don't and I usually just flat out ignore him. I have no inclination to talk to him. I never feel like it. Which he says, leaves him feeling pretty lonely and confused.

I don't think me ignoring him would be a problem if I just left the situation alone, he could get over it and move on eventually. But when I get these spikes of emotion, I feel so attached to him, I reel him back in and then go back to ignoring him the next day.

I think I do feel empathy. I'm able to imagine what its like to be in their position. I can think to myself "well taking all of these factors into account, this person would feel pretty shitty about the situation" but I don't personally feel bad. For example with this boy, I get that it would be really shitty for him but I don't feel any actual remorse.

This is going to sound weird but I want to want to stop. I want to have normal relationships and I feel like that will never happen with this current mentality. My friendships are very one sided. I am kind to them and sometimes I even arrange plans. But if they stopped talking to me out of no where, I wouldn't be sad. I wouldn't beg them to keep being friends with me. If they decided that they no longer wanted to talk to me I wouldn't feel an inch of disappointment.

I really want to have deep connections with people.

Mostly, I want to stop being a bad person because I wasn't always like this. I used to be kind and selfless, now I'm the complete opposite. I used to stay in touch with everyone, I was talkative and bubbly. Now I couldn't be fucked talking to anyone unless it benefits me. Sometimes I want to, but I don't have the energy, feels like too much effort for little pay off.

But I want those things back. I want to actually enjoy talking to people. I want to be the person I once was, but I'm not anymore. Sometimes I'm fine with being a bad person, its just bc I'm having one of those spikes of random emotion that I want to change.

I think I have wrote enough, I hope this all made sense, its 3:50am and its so fucking hard to describe this situation but with the poorly put together information I have given to you, the fuck do you think I should do and how do you stop being a bad person?