GOD DAMN IT, I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS.

OKAY SO CLEARLY YOU MORONS NEED SOME FUCKING HELP BECAUSE THE VAST MAJORITY OF YOU APPEAR TO HAVE FAILED TO READ VAMP'S FUCKING POST, WHETHER YOU OPENED IT OR NOT. LEGIT, I CAN’T TELL IF SOME OF YOU JUST IGNORED IT OR ARE TOO RETARDED TO COMPREHEND IT ALL. IN EITHER CASE, I’M GOING TO PUT IT TO YOU IN LAYHORSE’S TERMS BECAUSE VAMP USES THE TERRIFYING BIG WORDS THAT MAKE US ALL NERVOUS WHILE WE LISTEN TO HIM EXTRAPOLATE ON THINGS WHILE WE WONDER HOW LONG IT’LL BE BEFORE WE CAN GET BACK TO THE IMPORTANT THINGS, LIKE HAVING SEX WITH THAT ATTRACTIVE LOOKING MARE IN THE CORNER OF THE STABLE.

SO LET’S SLOW THIS WAAAAAAAAY THE FUCK DOWN; I KNOW PEOPLE WHO DON’T LIKE SUCKING HORSE DICKS AREN’T AS ERUDITE AS MYSELF. BELIEVE ME, YOU BECOME QUITE LEARNED AFTER TAKING THE FOURTH OR FIFTH HORSE DICK IN THE ASS.

TO INTRODUCE MYSELF, I AM SUMMERTEENTHROWAWAY, ONCE THE FOREMOST THEORYCRAFTER ON /R/SUMMERTEEN AND /R/HOMESTUCK, AND LONG FUCKING TIME LURKER HERE. FUCK YOU, LESSER THEORYCRAFTERS; AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR YOUR PLEB-TIER, FAKE HORSE FETISHISM. LET A REAL PERVERT TAKE THE LEAD.

ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, NONE OF YOU DIPSTICKS EVEN READ THE POST, SO HERE, LEMME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU:

#WHY THEY’RE DOING THIS BULLSHIT:

I DON’T LIKE SWORDS. LET’S CALL THEM ASSHOLES. ASSHOLES WITH GUNS. AWGS. YEAH, THAT WORKS.

ASSHOLE WITH GUN 1 PUMPED HIS ATTACK STAT WITH LITTLE REGARD FOR ANYTHING ELSE (BECAUSE THAT’S OUR META, WHETHER YOU FUCKING LIKE IT OR NOT. HE’S GONNA TAKE DEATH MARK, INSTANT MARK, TRACE, AND TRACK VITALS, AND THERE AIN’T A FUCKING THING ANYONE CAN DO TO CHANGE HIS FUCKING MIND. HE WANTS TO BE THE COOLEST MOTHERFUCKER IN THE GODDAMN WORLD WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY FAILING TO REALIZE THAT HIS TRENCHCOAT WEARING BUDDIES IN THEIR CORNERS OF THE 8TH DIMENSIONAL SHAPED TAVERN ARE LITERALLY ALL DOING THE SAME THING, EXCEPT FOR ASSHOLE WITH GUN 2 AND 3. GOOD FUCKING JOB ASSHOLE WITH GUN 1. YOU’RE TOTALLY FUCKING ORIGINAL. THIS DOESN’T SOUND LIKE A STAGNANT FUCKING META AT ALL, DOES IT?)

ASSHOLE WITH GUN 2 DECIDED HE WANTED SOME CHA UP IN THIS HIZZY. CAN’T SEDUCE HORSES WITHOUT CHA. YOU MIGHT COULD DO IT WITH WIS, THOUGH, SO LET’S PRETEND HE PUT A COUPLE OF POINTS IN THAT, TOO.

ASSHOLE WITH GUN 3 DECIDED TO DO WHATEVER FELT RIGHT. DIDN’T FOCUS ANY STAT AND BUILT THE STATS AS THE SKILL CHECKS CALLED FOR THEM.

ASSHOLE WITH GUN 1 IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN HIS BUDDIES THAT IT’S REALLY HARD TO BALANCE ENCOUNTERS FAIRLY FOR ALL THREE OF THEM.

ASSHOLE WITH GUN 3 IS SO WOEFULLY LOST IN THE PRESENCE OF HIS PEERS. HIS MOUTH GAPES LIKE MY ANUS AFTER A GOOD HORSEFUCKING UPON WITNESSING ASSHOLE WITH GUN 1’S PROCLIVITY TO FUCK SHIT UP LIKE A RAMPAGING CLYDESDALE IN A STABLE FULL OF HORSENIP. HORSENIP WASN’T A THING UNTIL I MADE IT UP JUST NOW. YOU MUST NOW ACCEPT ITS EXISTENCE. I DEMAND IT.

SO ASSHOLE WITH GUN 1 FUCKS EVERY HORSE WITHIN A METRIC MILE LIKE A TOTAL STUD, WHILE ASSHOLE WITH GUN 2 KINDA GETS BY ON THE FACT THAT HIS BUILD IS FUN AND VIABLE.

ASSHOLE WITH GUN 3 GETS SHAT ON BY BASILISKS. POOR FUCK. I PITY THE DAY HE THOUGHT HIS IDEA OF FUN WOULD BE VIABLE IN THIS META, BUT FUCK HIM FOR NOT WANTING TO PUMP HIS ATTACK STAT LIKE A TOTAL TRYHARD, RIGHT???

ASSHOLE WITH GUN 1 IS HELD BACK IN BOTH LOOT AND PROGRESSION BECAUSE HE BURNS THROUGH SHIT SO FAST.

ASSHOLE WITH GUN 2 PROBABLY HAS SIMILAR PROBLEMS, SOLELY BECAUSE...

....THE PRESENCE OF ASSHOLE 3 SEMI-NECESSITATES THAT THE DM CODDLES HIM, AND SO THE FIRST TWO ASSHOLES ARE HELD BACK AND THEY’LL CRY ABOUT IT WHILE ASSHOLE WITH GUN 3 FEELS REALLY AWKWARD.

SO, LET ME SPELL THIS OUT FOR YOU REALLY FUCKING CAREFULLY. IF YOU SCRUBS TAKE ANYTHING FROM THIS FUCKING IDIOTIC POST, LET IT BE THIS:

#THEY’RE DOING THIS TO MAKE ALL PLAYSTYLES VIABLE, SO IT’S EASIER FOR THEM TO ANTICIPATE AND CATER TO THEM.

JEEZ LOUISE, WHAT WOULD YOU NON-HORSEFUCKING ASSHOLES DO WITHOUT ME? I SWEAR, I’M SOME KIND OF FUCKING GODSEND AND ALL OF YOU SHOULD BE WORSHIPPING ME LIKE THE THEORYCRAFTING, MECHANICS-ANALYZING FUCKING GOD THAT I AM. JESUS, I NEED A DRINK. GO FIGURE THE REST OF THIS SHIT OUT YOURSELF WHILE I RETRIEVE THE HORSE SEMEN FROM THE FRIDGE.

STT FUCKING SIGNING OFF.