Thank you for writing this :) I hope you keep writing as well.

This is...absolutely amazing. Seriously. You captured the emotion perfectly. Im happy this was good enough that yoy did this. Honestly this makes writing it more than worth it. Thank you

[I did a reading of your poem! It was extremely powerful.](https://soundcloud.com/user-437193030/her-udet_wun_gai)

I hope I did it justice.

Excellent poem. Very captivating and relatable. I love your use of oxymorons as well.

Thank you! I wanted to sort of connect the ideas, like a stream of thought, but it becomes sort of hard to follow at times because the breaks are inconsistant.

(also i now know what a caesura is, so thank you for that lol.)

Great use of enjambment, gives the impression of tumbling overwhelming emotions, however this seems to be one long sentence? Perhaps including a judicious use of a comma or caesura could be effective.  For instance in stanza 3, a full stop after the first line and a comma after I in the second line would differentiate the speaker from Her and her actions.  
Overall love the poem. Thanks for sharing!!

Maybe I can't pick up on it, but the lack of rhyme, even subtle rhymes made it hard for me to read. I enjoyed the imagery.

I agree, nobody wants burned corneas.

I see what youre saying with the third stanza. It changes the tone of the poem and would be entirely different without it.

Anyways thanks man, life is rough but you just gotta keep pressing forward

Don't stare into the sun, it's not good for your eyes.

I think you should remove the third stanza. The poem is stronger without it. I think I just don't like the accusatory part to it. The rest of your poem is reflective, but that one turns to offense.

Never forget that things get better and life moves on. Thank you for sharing. 

Great poem! I like the themes that you used in each stanza, but I think that you used too many. It kind of feels like 5 poems wrapped into one. Maybe you can try and focus and elaborate on your feelings using one theme.

Call us even for that blowjob promise from 2010

The structure is very jarring, and I think that it definitely works to your advantage in this case. I really like the interspersed themes of both joy and melancholy. Great stuff

I loved the varied themes within each stanza. It made the emotion feel more diversified. I especially liked the herecy/religion bit.. Third stanza. Just kindof caught my eye.

    Fiery and sweltering
    Passion that seared the skin
    Loving hands digging into my soul
    A clutch that left a print
    Burning even into the night


    Carrying your haunted visage
    Crushed by its weight
    Your presence in every memory
    Hiding in every corner of my life
    Twisting my joy around you


    You rotten heretic
    I built you an alter
    My heart ripped into a temple
    To be smitten
    Only to be smited


     Your breath is a sickening miasma
     Your embrace a noose
     Crucifying my heart upon your smile
     Your words a coffin around me
     Drowning in the pools of your eyes

     You were my sun
     my star
     my supernova
     A black hole
     And now i cant see anything at all but  you


[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/6frgjf/z/dili836)
[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/6fq644/z/dilh72w)