Does ego death equate actual death?

I tripped last night but I couldn't let myself go. I felt that... String of life, so delicate... like a heartbeat. A tiny throbbing in a belly. If I wanted to I could've squished it. Cut the line. Sank into the darkness. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Worldly attachments kept me grounded. Am I even who I think I am? Or what I'm actually trying to rid myself of.