Advice on moving from a joint account and no budget to either recreational savings accounts (each) or entirely separate accounts with a joint account for bills for myself [34m] and my wife [31f].

Hey all, Thanks for reading this. I'll try and keep it brief. My wife and I are going through some rough times. I work full time, and she runs a small business we've been getting going for two years. It has been funded partly through savings, and largely through my salary.

We've been together a long time relative to our ages. We got a joint account when we moved in together to save on banking fees, and have just kept that going. When we both worked, we both got paid there.

After deciding to take some time apart, I was talking to my wife one day in her business and she told me she couldn't take a draw (to repay our shareholders loans to the company) or a salary because she needed the money in the company in case things 'went badly'. For legal reasons she owns 100% of said company.

This threw me for a loop, as I did not realize we were thinking that way. This was on a Friday. I had just been paid, and we were basically broke again. It has been like this for years, but we were always building to a better future so it was going to be worth it.

I downloaded 90 days of our credit card history, and the spending break down is approximately 37.5% her personal spending, 12.5% mine, and 50% on things the business needs.

So I went and opened a new bank account and had my salary directed to it. I also took the lowest limit free credit card my bank offered.

We have since reconciled, and she has agreed to pay herself. We're going to couples counselling soon.

TLDNR:

What I need to know, is how to other couples handle money? I think we need to decide on an amount we can each spend on ourselves each month (say $400 for going out, clothes, etc).

I don't know if we should keep totally separate accounts and just pay into a joint account for bills, etc.

Or should be get paid into the joint account in the name of transparency and then keep separate accounts each for 'spending' money.

My worry with separate account (to get paid into) is that it's possibly inefficient from a savings perspective. We basically save 100% of what we don't spend.

If we get paid into private accounts, there is less possible incentive to save for the future together and more incentive to 'hide money'.

I guess I'm at a loss. How does everyone else this? Why do you do it that way? What do you see at the benefits and the pitfalls?