Am I obligated to give my SO an other chance?

I've been unhappy in my relationship with my boyfriend of 2+ years. My main reasons for being dissatisfied with the relationship are: he eats and drinks too much (and it affects my diet and mood because he wants me to join him), is unable to save money even though he makes 1.5x what I do and we split the rent evenly (his car is also paid off and his student loan bill isnt enough to make him live paycheck to pay check like he says he does, I also make a point of paying for food regularly. I asked and he said we take turns equally to him) , he likes staying at home and playing video games and I find that terribly dull. Other wise he is a good person (thoughtful, non judgemental, open minded, similar sense of humor as me).

However, i have brought these things to him over the past several months and his reaction has varied. Sometimes he says that I need to reign him in on these things and tell him “no” about his eating/drinking/spending habits. And other times he says I am “pulling shit out of my ass.” The latter usually leads to a fight where I end up growing quieter (I have started feeling like it's pointless to try to express my side as sometimes during fights he says that I mean something other than what I am saying. Like. I'll say “I don't like when X happens” and he says I am just sad and trying to start a fight.) It's true that I am sad, but I kind of think it's the stagnation of it all, but I can't be sure since it's easy to be blind to your own flaws. I also know me growing quieter makes it worse and is a bad problem. I need to work on communication.

Anyway, the fights have gotten progressively worse and borderline physical. A couple of months ago, we were at a large public party for a holiday event and we were quietly bickering (I had been unhappy the day before about the relationship and that night during the party he got very drunk and he is angrier when he drinks) anyway at one point he told me to walk around the perimeter of the crowd with him and I walked too slowly. He began pushing me from behind. It made me feel incredibly nervous. I tried breaking up with him bc of that night and he said he would be suicidal without me. A couple of times I have tried breaking up he has left to drive his car around town and has made it seem like he might kill himself. So I’ve dropped the fight and suggestions of breaking up during those times.

Other times during arguments, because I wouldn't look at him he has choked me before. And he has held me down and layed on me (I was getting quiet/not responding and not looking at him again), and I struggled and begged him to stop and eventually kneed his side to get him off. I understand that me growing quieter and not participating in the argument is setting him off, but when I try I feel like he doesn't understand me and I try to explain myself he says I am lying. I am not sure how to handle it. Sex has also been an issue. I used to have high libido before and it's wanted considerably (from 5x a week to 1-2x a week) and saying “no” leads to fights and saying “yes” and not pretending to enjoy it leads to fights.

This past fight unfolded like he rest as of late. To me, the fight started because we had sex even though I didn't want to, and I made a wincing face (it was uncomfortable for me). He asked me what was wrong and I said it was that, but he said I was lying and that I had been unhappy all day. I grew silent again and he began yelling. After I suggested that we break up, because we’re both unhappy he flung 3 candles that were on a desk and shattered one of them. Left to drive, came back. Then told me to “get my stuff and leave”. So I grabbed a bag containing my social security card/birth certificate/passport and my childhood stuffed bear (I always wondered to myself what would I grab if there was a fire and decided from a young age that these were the two necessary things). He stopped me at the door before I could leave. I don't remember what was said (i was saying I would go to a hotel that night) and he grabbed my bear from my arms and slammed her on the ground, breaking her eye and nose off. I had been quiet/the calmer one that night and I became absolutely hysterical after that. I don't think I cried like that for anything in my life and searched for her eye and nose under furniture, as they ricocheted in different directions. I said “I hate you and I'll never forgive you” which is the first time I ever said that , but he became upset and asked me why did I finally become emotional about my bear. He told me to go to bed and I sat on the ground, bawling my eyes out (I'm in my late 20s, so I think I ought to be embarrassed about this). My bf was upset and hurt that I was emotional about the bear, when I wasn't sad about his feelings earlier. He also said I never ask him how unhappy he feels, and that I only focus on my own unhappy and how one sided the relationship is.

Now. We live together and I moved cross country to be with him. Some of my general unhappiness could be attributed to sadness at leaving a city I really liked for one I mildly dislike, but some of it is genuine parts of the relationship/him. Ignoring the fucked up fights, are these things that could have been resolved, if it weren't for some failing on my part? Did I screw up somewhere and create the fucked up fights? Did I egg him on by becoming too quiet and withdrawing? I think I did, and that is partly why I tolerated the softcore abuse and I felt obligated to stay to correct those things. However, breaking my Bear’s face seems to be the final straw for me and I am legitimately afraid of him and i'm looking at apartments to move out and break up. I feel guilty about my contribution to the breakdown in the relationship (t takes 2) since he never really seemed to be unhappy with me, but I was unhappy with him. I’m seriously worried that something is wrong with me, and maybe if I expressed my unhappiness differently/better or tried to be proactive about the things I didn't like, it wouldn't have gotten to this. My possible failings in the relationship and the fact that I do love/care about him make me feel obligated to try to make it work. He has said that he's very sorry, offered to pay to have my bear repaired, promised it wouldn't happen again and if it did then I could leave. I'm mostly settled on leaving but I feel guilty.

Am I being ridiculous for anything? I don't really care how immature it might be that I care so much about my childhood bear being damaged, but I do feel a little embarrassed by it. Is that unreasonable? Am i correct in wanting to break up? For both parts or just the fucked up fights? Do i have any obligations to him to try to work it out (he said itll never happen again and is sorry about the bear)? Do I have any obligations to him as I try to break up and move out? Am I selfish? Any thoughts or ideas?

I am leaning towards moving out (I'm leaving work early to visit apartments) and I am afraid if/when I move out it is gonna be the worst fight ever. Since i moved here recently, i have no friends to be there when I move my stuff out. My bf has a friend here, could I ask his friend to take my bf out when I move? Or would that embarrass my bf too much in front of his own friend?