So I heard r/papermario serves only the best memes...

So I swooped out of bed, mom said be home by 5, okeydokey mom. As I was getting in my car I found a spider! Eek, I need a hammer but I don't have one. I'll use the paper!

While I was driving to r/papermario a strange wizard man appeared and made my shoes into sandles and drained my gas tank. Now I'm stranded! Please help people, this is a distress message.

I have an artichoke supply, but I'm not sure how long it will last.