Panicking

I have been lurking for a while now, and I want to share my story I am a 20 years old female living in an muslim arabic country in North Africa, I just became an exmoose recently. My parents always tried to force on me the " Islam way " and my father keeps repeating that there is no such thing as freedom and that westerns are filthy infidels that will rot in hell because they have no good in their hearts, according to him " God always lead those who have good in their hearts to Islam ". But I do not agree and I never did even when I believed in the religion. For as far as I remember they tried to force on me their vision of life and religion, they made my teeangehood a hell they completely destroyed my personality, I am weak, depressed, with no willpower or motivation, I spent my whole life being afraid of punishment, and this led me to develop anger issues and eventually the panick attacks started because I couldn't handle bottling my feelings anymore, I falied two years of university because I was frightened of the future and I had panick attacks several times every day. My father forced me to wear the veil when I was only 11 and I hated it and hated myself and I still do. However it seems they have noticed how far my life and personality are screwed right now and started giving me space, I always had one dream which is to remove hijab and I want to talk to my mother about it, but I am such a coward and I have no communication with my parents we barely talk, I have been trying for months but I always end up running away and lately,I haven't been able to sleep or eat, my panic attack became stronger as well. I would like to have your thoughts and advices and if someone had a similar experience I would love to know how it went. Thank you!