hallucinogens addicts and music, help?

Maybe MDMA too? Never done it because I take SSRIs and I trip mostly alone but I think that I gives out of this world music appreciation too.

This sounds silly as my dissociatives addiction has always hurt me despite how good the drugs make me feel for a time, and I'm 2 months sober from my 4th or so serious attempt at abstinence/recovery, and lately what's bugging me is that I can't enjoy music as much. Music is a huge part of my life and something I enjoy so much, but I feel like I'll never be able to enjoy it as much sober. It really makes me miss the drugs. I used to feel the same about TV shows and movies, but when I watch them while tripping, it might be a cool experience but I'm still missing out on fully understanding the plot and all that. I can rationalize that watching them sober is just as fun since I get as much out of it if not more (I forget most of what I watch when trilling)

I try to explain it to people but I don't think anyone who isn't a huge music fan AND addict to hallucinogens might get me? DXM makes me feel every single layer of music in a superhuman way. I hear everything, I feel everything. It's the hardest thing to mourn. That and just the dreamlike hallucinations and tripping and why do I have to have the kind of personality that can't appreciate nice things in moderation?

Fuck, it's not fair.