(Ex-)Christianity and Depression

I assume there are others here who struggle with depression/other mental illness. I have had depression for years, even when I was still considering myself Christian, and I know - because I have been guilty of this thought process in my younger years - that if I try and open up to Christian friends about how things really are, they'll just say that if I pray or come back to God or whatever that it will be better. So this bothers me for two reasons:

1)Do I really want to worship a God who operates that way? (No. No I do not.)

2)Depression sucks. It sucks a lot. For me it's pretty constantly being either sad or bummed or generally meh and wanting to sleep my life away. It's gotten progressively worse over the last several years and I just want to be happy - and that's the thing. Even when I was following God, I was never completely happy. There's a difference between being less unhappy and being actually happy, and I don't just want to be less unhappy.

I've just subscribed to this community in the last few days and being able to admit some of these things I've been grappling with for years has been really helpful. So I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest as well. Thanks for reading!