I lost 4 pounds in 3 days. (Trigger warning)

And for once I'm not proud of myself. Ever since Saturday night I haven't been well. I was drinking and smoking with some former friends of mine. One of them got up and left, leaving me alone with the other.

All I remember is me going to his room and he tried to rape me pretty much. Kissed me all over, forced me to take my shirt off. Tried to get my pants off too. Being on my period is what pretty much saved me from having anything worse done to me. I got out as soon as I could. Apparently when I left shit hit the fan.

The two of them are in jail right now. Not sure what for 100% as I didn't call the police on them. They lost their jobs because of me. One is homeless because of me. I feel like I've caused so much chaos.

Yet so much is going through my head. Why the hell was one hiding in the shower? He could hear me crying out. Was this entire thing...planned? I can barely remember the events straight. Goddamn I feel like a fraud. I didn't sleep for two days after it happened. I didn't think I was violated until a few days later. It's so weird.

And here I am. I've eaten about 2500 calories in almost a week. Lost 4 pounds in a matter of days. I'm 5'6 and down to 117 pounds. Everyone is freaking out.

For once I'm not happy the scale dropped.