The Greatest Show on Television

“I couldn’t believe it! Tarquinn won the Gauntlet of Essences without the Heart of Aterious!” Jennine exclaimed.

“But what about The Insulter hooking up with Dyson’s daughter? You know that’s not going to end well,” Raymond added.

“That’s why it’s the greatest show on television. You never know what’s going to happen!” David chimed in.

How disappointing. Even David had gotten into it now. Instead of telling them to shut up and get back to work, he continued blabbing.

For years now, I’d endured everyone around me talking about this freakin’ television show like it was the second coming of Christ. Every Monday morning, the office would be abuzz with conversations about the latest episode.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe Wilfred died!”

“Lyndia’s magic didn’t work! She’s mortal again!

”Told ya Framingham would survive plummeting to Earth!”

Ugh. Listening to them made me gag. It sounded like something straight out of a daytime television show. It made me glad I didn’t bother with cable television. One million channels full of nothing but gunk and malarkey to rot your brains.

“Hey Carl, you watching The Heart of Aterious?” David asked me.

“I can’t say I do much television watching. I’m more of the reading kind. Book is always better than the movie, I always say.” David frowned.

“You gotta watch it. It’s life changing!” Jennine shrieked.

“Yeah man, twenty-three million viewers cannot be wrong!” Raymond added.

I chuckled politely and plastered on the same awkward, shit-eating grin they gave me in return.

---

A month later, the office is abuzz again over that stupid show again. Everyone is on their phones and computers watching YouTube videos of people losing their minds over the series finale announcement. Nothing but a bunch of screaming, hollering, and crying. Bunch morons…

It’s just a television show! Get the fuck over it!

---

Three months later, the series finale of Heart of Aterious aired.

Monday morning, not many people came into work. Those who did seemed…distressed.

Jennine was a no show, no call.

Raymond sniffled and sobbed at his desk muttering names to himself.

Tarquinn…The Insulter…Framingham…

David never came out of his office. Even at quitting time.

---

On Tuesday morning, according to the newscast, the confirmed death toll exceeded the seven million mark. As day the continued, more bodies were expected to be discovered.

My co-workers hadn’t fared well either.

David had choked himself to death with his own belt in his office. Many others had chosen a similar method as Tarquinn, the main character, was hung at the end of the show.

Raymond survived his suicide attempt like many others had too. He chugged a bottle of anti-freeze like Lyndia drank a poisonous potion to prove she had regained her immortality. She hadn’t. Raymond still cannot tie his shoes.

Jennine jumped off the roof of her apartment building like Framingham plummeting to Earth. He didn’t survive his fall either.

Like I said, television rots your brain.

Best to stick to the books.