When do you wave the white flag and go back?

It's been 6 months away from my ex with no contact, and my life is worse not better! I fled fearing for my safety. I left without saying goodbye to mutual friends because I was so afraid of what was happening to me at home. As if losing my significant other were not enough, my best friend of over 15 years took his side and betrayed me in a horribly cruel act. I had to move away to find a place to live. At 52, I have lost all of my friends as they took my ex's side. Now life is a struggle far greater than any I have ever faced. I miss my life there, my friends, our pets, my creature comforts. I live out of 2 suitcases now with barely enough clothing for the week. Of course I do not miss the horribly cruel abuse. Counseling and anti-depressants provide only mild relief from hopelessness and sadness. The despair I experience now is far more intense than anything I have ever faced in my life. If I had known this outcome, I do not think that I would not have left.