First Post

This is the first time posting, I've been following many of your journeys for a coulpe weeks +! It is encouraging to hear of all of your stories as you strive for lives of purity and freedom in Christ.

I am married, am 52, i have struggled with pm for a long long time. I have attempted to stop in the past but more recent been justifying the behaviour because of lack of sex and itamacy with my wife. I have much empathy and compassion , for she suffers with much pain because of medical and health issues. She has lost all interest in sex to the point she doesn't even want to touch me. She will allow me to touch her but she rarely reciprocates! Many nights I lie in bed craving her to embrace me with a cuddle, even just a touch. The craving hurts so bad I find myself leaving and self medicating with pm!

I know many of you won't be able to relate because of your stage in life but my desire is the same to be found pure and holy before God in every thought and deed.

It seems I am being asked to live a married celibate life. I know I have to lean on Jesus to meet my inner longings and desires but it seems so unfair.

Not really sure what I desire from posting here, partly just to vent, but also ask for prayer . Regardless of the outcome of my sexual relationship with my wife I want to be found to have run a good race for my first love, Jesus.

I have joined an accountability group about 2 months ago, with a small group of men in the church i attend. It has been a challenging time mixed with victories and failers. The nature of the failers I will not go into, expert to say I am extremely surprised and shocked that I engaged in online activity I Never thought I would. The fact is it felt so good i didnt want to stop even thou I knew it was so wrong!

This past Monday I resolved I couldn't continue what I was doing and got rid of an app that was causing me the most problem. Even this app(Reddit) is a problem but i wanted to at least follow and be encouraged by all of your stories.

I confessed all I have been doing to my accountability group leader and my pastor and as of today I am 1/2 way through my 4th day pm free.

So there's a bit of my story. I am looking for more support and to have others I can be praying for. If you feel so inclined contact me and see how we can be accountable to each other. I am in the pacific time zone.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalms 34:18

God bless all, thanks for reading!