I lack a lot of experience in the sex department and I fear it might ruin my new relationship.

I started dating this guy (my first proper dating-relationship) and it's going great, however I'm freaking out because I really lack experience in the sex department. Like the only two times we had sex it was kind of awkward, we were both drunk and I wasn't really in the mood for sex, I really liked the foreplay and I was scared of its obvious final destination: sex. It makes me really nervous, I definitely overthink it a lot instead of going with the flow.

Both of the times we did it he tried topping me and I was freaking out because I wasn't really planning to be topped and I didn't really prepare or anything, nothing bad happened, but I was super anxious about it the whole time. We ended up doing non anal stuff mainly because I couldn't handle his crazy thick dick.

I keep saying that I feel like a potato because I don't feel comfortable enough to be "wild" or whatever, by that I mean that I don't feel comfortable to do stuff to him, like he would have to ask me explicitly to top him, I would never dare to just go for it like he did with me. I know dirty talk is a porn cliche, but I feel like I'm always too quiet. If I were my sexual partner I would probably think that I'm fucking a dead body. It's really hard for me to go with the flow.

It's not that I don't like sex or that I don't feel attracted to him, it's just that sex seems so difficult for me, I never figured out how to properly clean myself to be honest. I can't explain how people can clean themselves so well that you can rim them, I've done it to someone before and I was just shocked about being able to rim, finger and fuck someone without any difficulties.

I guess my current pump douche might be pretty crappy, I was thinking about buying one of those locker room hose enemas or something, any recommendations?

So I think that if I were to TLDR; this, my two main issues would be.

1. I don't really feel confident enough during sex, I'm always scared that I might do something the other person might not like so I just freeze and I don't do much and that probably ruins the mood even more than actually doing something that might not be that good. I often end up as a bottom because people sense my behavior like its kind of submissive aaand I suck at bottoming.

2. I just can't figure out how to properly "prepare" myself to be a bottom. By that I mean the whole cleaning process and also how to handle it, I was never topped for more than five minutes and I really want to get better at it.

3. Should I tell him my insecurities? Especially the confidence ones, I'll rely on your hygiene tips.