Endlessly seeking understanding of myself

I can't get it. Nothing makes sense. It's like a puzzle I have been trying to put together and I can't. On one hand, I love how insanely complicated and interesting I am, but on the other hand, I don't get it and I think that I am missing a big piece. It is one of those things that all the information is there but I can't seem to link it, I can't find a outstanding reason in my past that made me this way. If anyone specializes in attachment disorders or sexual orientation, specifically asexuality, (also cynicism, which unfortunately is also realism) send me a message. I'd like to hear what an unbiased outsider thinks!

sidenote: I'm perfectly happy but just love the challenge of reaching a point where it makes sense to me, if that even exists!