MILINTW - The Holiday Pool Whiner

Currently on holiday with DH and the fearsome four (our baaaaabies) in Spain. Big hotel, big pool, the usual kind of family setting. Our kids are 5, 3, 2 and 6 months, so it's a pretty standard 'charter holiday from the UK' setting.

DH and I were in the pool with all four babies, you can imagine the typical family splashing about nonsense. We had Munchy (6 months) in his inflatable seat and he had a rather adorkable sun hat and bodysuit on, with dinosaur spikes along the top and down the back. DH is mucking around with our older two boys and has our daughter on his back, and we've bought one of those giant inflatable flamingos. Along comes this older woman, bright floral swimsuit, oversized subglasses for staring, doing the sanctimonious bitch breast stroke.

"Oh ma GAWSH, what beautiful BAAAAABIES you have!"

Polite thanks from DH, who is in the process of being taken down and drowned by our middle two, and fighting them off.

"Are they all yours?"

Sorry, what?! DH just kind stares before laughing it off and does his usual 'well, I hope so, can't be two people with ears like those around' joke.

"Its not a laughing matter. Are you sure?"

DH, now, is not laughing and catches my eye with his best wtf face, and politely but firmly insists yes, he did indeed father all three of the wildlings around him, as well as our screeching t-rex and he's quite sure, thanks very much, conversation over and goes back to being drowned.

"Well, it doesnt hurt to be sure. My son's wife says the baby is his but I don't believe that cow. The baby is ginger and quite ugly. My son is neither. You have to be careful."

Alright, at this point, sheer wtf. DH is stuped, and I am stood about a meter away, seething and swishing the baby around in the water a bit more furiously.

"I bought him a hat like that, because he is ginger and he should really be covered up even at home because he will burn but my ungrateful DIL said she didn't want it. How awful for me is that? How cruel is this world to me? What did I do to deserve such awful treatment?"*

*Words changed to reflect typical JNMIL nonsense because I honestly zoned out but you get the idea.

Our eldest is floating about on his giant inflatable flamingo, staring at this woman, and decides to pipe up, because he tends to find biting his tongue a difficult trait. "THAT'S NOT VERY NICE ABOUT GINGERS."

The old woman huffs and puffs because a child has spoken and how dare he speak and she sniffs and pouts and pretends to be offended, before swimming off towards her sun lounger, looking incredibly offended. Our middle son states that he didn't like her very much and both other children concur, before going back to their assault on their father.

Had I not been on holiday and enjoying our babies fun in the pool, I would have leapt across the pool and given her what for. But it's too sunny and there's wine in my future and that is definitely not worth it.

That poor woman who has to suffer her as a MIL though... I hope she is on here because she deserves to be.