What the hell !! Back at it full on ☹️

I'm Daily drinking - at lunchtime and evening - Actually throw in some mornings. Losing control of normal thought processes and the rest. I am struggling to stop this year. I've gone for a few month stretches sober but end up back 😞 drinking . Today I renew my effort again to stop for good. I'm feeling embarrassed given the number of times I've said that this year. I need a hug from this wonderful community so badly right now.