[rant/vent] My Nmom never once surprised me with a gift...

In a previous post I mentioned that a former business colleague of mine got fired today for sexual harassment. A good friend of mine is reeling from the fallout. She finds him disgusting and is satisfied to see him go, but she was still working with him, and now with his abrupt firing a few of her work projects have now fallen apart. Anyway, she and a mutual friend invited me to an impromptu dinner tonight to just drink and talk. On my way there, I realized how shitty of a situation this must be for her, so I stopped by the store and bought a small assortment of chocolate bars. I met with her and was just like, look, you had a crappy day, so here's some chocolate. She seemed very thankful. I felt glad I could brighten her day somewhat.

Suddenly, it just made me realize something. That my Nmom and oblivious dad never, ever did something like this for me when I was growing up. They never surprised me with a gift for birthdays or holidays. They never treated me to surprise ice cream or a little present when I was feeling bad. They never so much as sat there and comforted me when I was stressed out. The most they did was be like, DON'T BE STRESSED, DON'T BE UPSET BECAUSE IT MAKES US UPSET. GROW A BACKBONE. Or they'd force things upon me like food or things because it would be good for me. Crying and being stressed and feeling awful was something I had to endure alone.

To me, it's truly about the thought behind the gift or the card. Once in college a friend came to my dorm and gave me a bag of candy because he knew I was studying for finals and figured I was stressed out, and I still remember it to this day, because it was the first time in my memory that someone had done something like this to me. A year ago, I was at work and my co-workers surprised me with a surprise cake for my 30th and a singing of happy birthday and I almost cried because nobody had ever given me a real birthday cake in my life.

Growing up, my Nmom used to say that celebrations are wasteful. Holidays are stupid and pointless. Birthdays are pointless. They didn't understand why I admired people getting surprised by little presents -- I can just go and buy it myself! It just made me feel so worthless and undeserving. If I ever have a family, I'm DEFINITELY going to make a point of celebrating successes, celebrating holidays, and at times surprising them with gifts to make them feel special and worthy.