[remorse] I miss having friends.

Over the years all of my friendships have withered away and died. Whether it was because of apathy, resentment, or growing apart, all of the friends I'd ever considered close have ceased to be in my life.

There's blame to be had on both sides, but that doesn't make me feel any better. I miss having friends so much, and I feel too old to try and make new ones since they'll never measure up to the ones I've lost.

I have a loving girlfriend, which is nice, but I still miss having my bros. Other than her, my life is kind of a mess... have a pretty useless degree, don't make much money, don't call family as much as I should, and I'm embarrassed that I haven't accomplished more in my life as my twenties come to an end.

The worst part is the utter resentment and toxic mindset I have. Yes, I miss my old friends, but I don't wish them well.

I know I should leave them in the past and focus on making my life what I want to be. But I miss having close friends, even if I've hurt them and they've hurt me. There's no closure in how my friendships have ended. I wouldn't reach out to them and they wouldn't reach out to me.

I miss my friends, that's it I guess. I wish I was more than what I am today. I wish things hadn't gone the way they did and I miss all the good times we had growing up and supporting each other and talking about how friendships like ours could withstand anything.

It makes me feel rotten that whenever I hear about you doing well that it tears me up inside because I resent you so much.

I miss my best friends.