The woman that I loved with all my heart has died and there is nothing I can do to bring her back.

I am not great at writing encouraging posts but it has been 2 months since she left my life and almost a year since she has checked out of the relationship and started throwing my dignity and everything we have ever dreamed of into the trash. I only started NC a month ago as at first I thought we could be friends. That was stupid idea. Ofcourse we cannot be friends.

The first month without her was the worst month of my entire life. I cried and screamed and punched walls every day. I tried being frinds with her in hopes I could still manage to get her back. One day, though, I came over this sub and realised if I ever want to get over here I need to start NC. It helped. But I still wanted and hoped every day for her to message me that she loves me and wants to get back together.

After 1 month NC I realised something that has changed everything. The woman that I loved with all my heart has died. She died a year ago. I will never get back together with her because she is dead. She can't tell me she loves me, she cant smile at me, she cant hold me, she cant be there for me because she is gone. She died and I cant change that.

I will always love the woman I once fell in love. The woman that respected me and loved me as much as I loved her. But she is gone. Now the only thing I can do is grieve her. I will grieve her death and I will probably always love her but I will survive and I will be happy again.