im not coping well

Teamhellokitty I lost my dad this past year. Im not handling it well. I had to take over financial support of my mom. I got high again for the first time in almost a decade. Its the first time i didnt feel hollow. Im doing heroin tomorrow for the first time while my family is out of town. Im doing it with a woman Im willing to cheat on my wife with just in order to feel something. I need help but we cant afford it. I just hope i get a hold of this before it kills me