A Day In The Life of a Sporting Goods Sales Associate

So many people at my store ask me what I do to get 95% of PGC DM money. Well, I'll tell you about last Thursday, one of my typical days.

13:07: Clock in, head to family bathroom to take my Daily Double and read Reddit.
13:36: Head to the department, find out DM called out and mid-shift associate can't be found anywhere although he's on the clock. Claim I was helping customers in infants when asked to account for the last 40 minutes of my time.
13:52: Finally obtain keys from mid-shift associate who was found asleep on the Garden Center patio.
14:00: First page to the 2 PM zone.
14:04: Fraudulently obtain SG DM's MC40 and printer using a photocopy of the back of his badge made for just such an occasion.
14:07: Show a redneck a $700 lever-action rifle he probably has no intention of buying.
14:20: Second page to the 2 PM zone.
14:32: Redneck still playing with rifle. Asks to start background check paperwork. I inform him of the $50 non-refundable background check fee our state imposes. Redneck waffles, isn't sure if he'll qualify. Asks what would disqualify him from a firearm sale. Gets really sad and quiet when I get to the part about being dishonorably discharged from the military.
14:40: Support manager comes back asking why I'm not taking part in the 2 PM zone. I point at the line forming at my counter, including the redneck on the phone with his wife asking if he was honorably or dishonorably discharged. She doesn't remember either. Support tells me to drop what I'm doing and go zone or I'll be coached.
14:45: Redneck has decided to go on and try the background check. I start him on the 4470 paper on the computer. Next customer immediately wants a fishing license. (Annoyed grunt.)
15:17: Redneck asks if possession with intent to distribute is a felony in our state. I tell him I can't help him with the 4470 by company policy, but tell him a quick tip is to think of how long he spent in jail and if he can vote. His reply? "Aw man..."
15:20: Start scanning DM's bins while it's slow and redneck is doing customer part of 4470.
15:50: Stop scanning when I get 3 rocket carts of picks. Mid-shift associate says he's going to lunch. I ask if I can take my break first, he says "Nope!" as he walks toward the timeclock.
16:03: Customer finishes his section of 4470. I start my review of it, and I notice he's misspelled his damn name on it. Fine, whatever, I'll make corrections after it prints.
16:10: Get to the state background check part. Inform him that I have to ring it up before we can proceed. "Ring what up?" Explain the $50 non-refundable state fee again.
16:22: Member of management arrives to explain $50 non-refundable state fee.
16:36: Ring redneck up for $50 background check fee. Has to try 3 cards before he gets one that goes through.
16:37: Submit background check.
16:38: "The state agency responded to the background check. The response was: "DENIED"."
16:40: Redneck still insisting that he's an OTR truck driver and that he's had to pass a TSA-level background check. I leave him with the ASM that was back there to explain the $50 fee and go on break.
17:00: ASM is on his phone. APM is standing there with arms crossed. APA is taking photos of the wreckage surrounding the counter, including every PDQ that was on the desk being thrown on the floor. Redneck is sitting on the floor, face in his hands, sobbing. The license/4470 computer monitor is smashed and on the floor behind the counter.
17:01: Clock out for lunch. The first police officer arrives just as I'm leaving.
18:12: Arrive back at the store from KFC. There's 3 local police cars, a county sheriff, and an ambulance in front of the store.
18:15: Clock back in, get keys from hardware associate, and head back to grab my carts of picks. APA is finishing up replacing license computer monitor with one from the CBL room.
19:40: Finish picks, and start checking counts on the overstock, because the DM never does.
19:44: "Can I get some fishing license?" Yes sir, we also sell all fishing license.
19:52: "We need to get some fishing license." What the fuck is up with "some"?
20:01: "Do y'all sell some fishing license here?" STOP IT PLEASE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE LOVES YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU HURT IT SO.
20:15: Very nice woman comes in, asks for the same lever-action rifle that the redneck was looking at. I comment about how that rifle's been very controversial today. She says "Yes, my husband is very high-strung, but ever since he got drummed out of the military all I want to do is see him happy!" I ask if her husband was the man in here earlier, and she replies he was. I inform her that I can't make the sale, and her entire attitude changes. "You know we're free citizens on the land, right? You can't deny us our rights." "Member of management to Sporting Goods..."
20:16: Go on last break, leaving the keys with the CAP2 supervisor.
20:34: Return from break. Management still arguing with woman about how as sovereign citizens they have the right to have that gun and she isn't leaving without it. APA is standing there, looking unamused.
20:40: Start zoning fishing, starting with picking up all the packages dumped on the basedecks.
21:00: Start sorting grocery cart of lures and jigs picked up off of basedecks. Woman is still arguing with management, now demanding their $50 back so she has gas to get home.
21:40: Finish zoning lure and jig section. Find out ASM caved and refunded the background check fee.
21:43: Return MC40 and printer and realize I haven't had the keys since my last break. Inform overnight ASM I left them with the CAP2 supervisor. Find out CAP2 sup went home sick, probably taking the keys with him.
21:51: Clock out and go home.