Small update on wedding planning with Sara and my mom

This got longer than I thought so I added a tl;dr

Tl;dr: Sara and mom have both stopped being problems in planning my wedding. Sara got bored when FDH told her she was only allowed to help in ways I approved of and my mother hired me a wedding planner (behind my back) that has turned out to be a blessing in disguise

This post is a pretty uneventful one and positive one about wedding planning with both my mom and Sara (mil). Neither of these women are as bad as many of the mil's I read about on here but they both have some annoying JUSTNO tendencies.

My mom wants to always be in control of my life, sees me as an irresponsible child, and is constantly trying to live through me vicariously. After she lost her husband four years ago, she tried to substitute me as her entire emotional support , something which I could never be good enough at in her eyes. On the other hand, Sara is a straight up narcissist that requires constant attention ( insists on having the spot light in almost every situation or she becomes very bored) has little understanding of appropriate boundaries, and is masterful at manipulating those around her.

Both of these women have made wedding planning with FDH less than exciting. They both have wanted to be very "involved", a word that I now know to mean "want to control how this event is planned".

FDH has had my back on dealing with his mom and basically told her that she was not allowed to help plan anything anymore unless it was at my specific say so. She took a big step back ( FDH thinks this is due to his talk alone. I think it's mostly because her course work and new boyfriend are more rewarding than fighting with us). Whatever her reasons for backing off are, I'll take it

My mom has been been harder to deal with. She was constantly nagging me about wedding details ( if you have planned a wedding and are an anxious person like me, you know how unhelpful it is to have someone else essentially standing over you, telling you to do the things you are already doing or are trying to do). She and I were butting heads a lot, and I had multiple talks with her that went the same; her nagging me, me telling her that I had things in hand and reminding her to not nag me. Her saying "I'm just trying to help" a million times. Rinse, repeat. She finally overstepped the line when she decided to hire her best childhood friend to be my wedding planner because " I just wasn't getting things done". I nearly lost my damn mind. Her boundary stomping was incredible.

I met with the wedding planner, thinking I was going to a) tell her I wouldn't be needing her services and b) thinking I was just dealing with a FM. I was happily surprised. She told me that she has been hearing my mothers complaints about my wedding planning ability for months now and when she looked at the situation as professional wedding planner, she realized that my mom was being a bride's nightmare. She offered to help me coordinate the wedding as well as help manage my mom and Sara.

She. has. been. Amazing. She has not only helped a lot with the actual wedding planning, she has firmly put my mom in her place, in a kind way that only a good friend can do. When I made plans to do X but my mother hated X, She firmly reminded my mother that this wasn't her wedding and she should let her do her job! She was very impressed with my organizational system ( I have a massive file folder with everything in it, including multiple blueprints of venue, fabric samples of bridesmaid dresses, and any and all pertinent paperwork) and has extolled my virtues to my mother.

Mom and I have stopped fighting about the wedding all together. Having a mediator with such a positive attitude has made planning fun again.

Tl;dr: Sara and mom have both stopped being problems in planning my wedding. Sara got bored when FDH told her she was only allowed to help in ways I approved of and my mother hired me a wedding planner (behind my back) that has turned out to be a blessing in disguise.