I [53 F] realized my friend [57 F] sucks at friendship

Hi, I had a odd experience with a good friend this weekend causing me to realize we shouldn't be friends.

I (53f) have a friend (57f) that I met 20 years ago at work. We were work friends and then became out of work friends and remained friends for the last 15 years after no longer working at the same place. Since I'm married and have a family (and she's single), we probably only see each other 4-5 times a year, but keep up with each other and she's spent every xmas eve with my family.

She purchased some mountain property about a year ago and will (eventually) build a home there to retire. In the meantime, she's got some temporary buildings (including a very nice canvas "glamping" tent built on a platform). So this past Friday the 2 of us headed up for me to check out her property for the first time. It was the most humiliating experience of my adult life.

Now, I know she's a very particular, fastidious person. She's never had to compromise (I know that's cliche for single people, but it's true in her case) and she makes enough money to buy the best and wants every project to be perfect. I knew I was going to be helping her do some chores on this trip, however, I had no clue I'd be shoveling gravel, mowing grass, placing rocks for about 7 hours over 2 days. I did everything without a complaint because I presumed I'd just misunderstood the "chores" as being some small stuff.

For the entire weekend, she directed, correct, got frustrated with me for everything I did. It didn't matter what it was, where I put the cooler, how I was shoveling the gravel from the wheelbarrel into place she wanted it, what topics we could discuss (she told me 4 times that "we're not going to talk about that" because she considered the topic too negative to discuss in her "zen" mountain property). The best example of how fucked up it was is when I was going to walk her dog up the ridge on a leash (it had been tethered the whole time) and used a stupid voice to address the dog (like "let's go...this is gonna be fun, I get to walk you") that she corrected me by saying "Yeah, I don't talk to the dog like that -- please don't do that".

I considered leaving, but she injured her knee a few days before the trip and with a brace, it would have been almost impossible for her to re-load her car and secure the property before we left. Fortunately, I did have my own vehicle (needed to transport big stuff she wanted to bring) so I at least I was on my own once the weekend ended.

I just took the criticism and didn't want to cause a conflict because I knew I would be very unlikely to leave her in the lurch (but boy I fantasized about it). I finally had to say something because she was yelling at me about how I was trying to back out/up this sketchy dirt/gravel road w/o ending up in the ditch (we were going to grab dinner). I finally conveyed how I was feeling and that I was doing the best I could but felt like I couldn't do anything right. I'm so conflict-averse that my hands were shaking. She got really nasty saying how I needed to smoke some weed (I don't smoke and she had basically not stopped since we arrived) or pound some beers. I parked my car and she went off to get her keys so she could drive her car. When she returned we pretended that the whole thing hadn't happened.

I had a 5 hour drive back home and was just pouring over how the hell we got to this point and why had I not realized this before. I recalled 2 other instances where she'd just decided she was annoyed/pissed/whatever. Once was during a work trip with us and another coworker and how by the end of the week she wasn't speaking to us (literally traveled from the west coast to the east and never spoke to us at the airports or on the flight) and then another time she planned a 40th b'day trip to the beach with her friends and then was so nasty to me that I had to tell her I couldn't possibly go. I realize 3 times over 20 years is a small amount of conflict, but then again, I haven't even spent more than a few hours with her at one time once we didn't work together.

In these other cases, she always had some "I had migraines" or "I was stressed" or whatever. I'm sure this time it was he "knee pain" was the excuse.

I'm not even mourning the loss of friendship at this point (because, fuck that shit), but more like I'm leery of what will happen next. The next time she reaches out to plan something or whatever and I will need to either explain that I'm not interested or decide to ignore any outreach (which seems childish). So maybe that's my question -- what advice would you give when she ultimately reaches out again?

tl;dr: Realized a friend of 20 years sucks as a friend and I want to discontinue the friendship. Just ignore any texts/calls or address head on?