Lunch with FSIL: how we will defeat the MOGzilla my MIL is becoming.

Bitchbot can back me up, but Tldr from before is this: MIL tried to triangulate FSIL and I against each other. We do ally had a chance to sit down and talk yesterday. This is the story of that.

So FSIL loooves sushi, and I was happy to indulge her. She has a really strict diet right now, because she is sewing her own dress, and wants to have as much done as possible. So we sat down, I had a glass of wine, she started apologizing. "I don't know why she keeps telling me these things, you guys aren't happy, it will ruin the whole wedding.." I stopped her right there. "Not out wedding, I don't give a crap that it's on my birthday, and why wouldn't we give happy? Its a wedding that we don't have to do anything for, and I get to leave my kid at home and it's an open bar. What's not to be happy about?"

So here it goes llamas. My MIL, who was out of the country for 2 weeks, managed to email my FSIL every day with something new she "forgot" my husband and I had complained about: my kid isn't the flower girl, no,kids allowed, they aren't renting us a hotel room, it's on my birthday, they arent going to serving foods we like, and we aren't part of the party.

FSIL was crying at this point. We hadn't even gotten our first plates yet. So I put a momentary ban on wedding talk, and she went to the bathroom to wipe up some mascara. I ordered a bottle of wine at this point (FSIL doesn't drink, but I knew I was going to need some.)

I got her to eat 2 plates of salmon before we continued, and I also insisted on dessert at the end of the night. Nothing like some chocolate to make things better, amiright?

So I started, carefully, laying out how MIL and I did not get along until I had a baby, and she went from JustNo to just yes, for us at least. I told her we aren't close, why would be in the wedding party? We haven't gotten the invites yet, so we have no idea what food is even being served. I don't want my kid there, at this point. She doesn't want kids, and we are treating this like a date night, I'm perfectly fine with no kids. Also, we live 45 minutes from the venue, so no hotel is needed at all. My husband doesn't drink either, so no problems us getting home.

Then I explained triangulation, using lots of comments from all you lovely people. I asked if there had ever been a "good" place in her relationship with MIL, and surprise! Nope. Golden child BIL has always been under MIL scrutiny in terms of girlfriends and jobs.

And something else: I knew they were living together in a place that MIL pays for, but I didn't know they are planning on living there post wedding. MIL lives in the building next to them. I suggested they look at some more options, because I cannot see any good things coming from this situation. FSIL is a sweet summer child though, she thinks the issue is truly that they are "living in sin." I snorted wine I was laughing so hard. The waiters came to check on me.

I told her to keep me updated, and that I would never talk to her through MIL. And that I am always here to vent to, and I also tried to suggest this place. She kind of blew me off, so we will see.

But thank you, guys, because without the advice here, I would have been very out of line with how to talk to FSIL, as we are so different, and I probably would have made it worse.