Repeat VIB Rouge and Ulta Platinum offender, checking in for rehab

Hi all. Long-time lurker, checking in because I finally feel ready to do so, and I'm hoping that being part of a community will help me with my willpower and with feeling accountable to myself.

Here's my story. WARNING: It's long, but very relevant to why I've spent the way I have in recent years, especially on makeup.

I'm in my late 20's, but I've been into makeup for as long as I can remember. I grew up middle class in a high-cost-of-living area. This meant that I never wanted for any essentials--I always had a roof over my head, food on the table, clothing, etc. I was fortunate. But my parents instilled in me the value of a dollar, and we didn't deal in luxuries. I've had a job in some form or another since I was 14. We never paid full price for anything. In high school and college, going to Sephora was like, a once-per-year event and I only bought a couple of things with my hard-earned money...and I hated parting with it. It was a luxury, and unnecessary.

After college, I worked full-time for a couple of years in a pretty low-wage job, so I could barely afford to make ends meet, let alone indulge in any extras. I made the decision to attend grad school to increase my potential earning power in my desired field. In grad school, my forever-frugal nature carried with me: I only purchased drug store makeup (aside from my former HG lipstick, which was MAC), and I kept maybe 1 or 2 types of items at a time--i.e., 1 or 2 blushes, 1 or 2 palettes, etc. I'd always hit pan before replacing. I was religious about this, not because I didn't want to buy more, but because I just couldn't afford the indulgence.

Then, about 2 years ago, I started my very first high-paying job. I say this not to brag but to provide some context/insight into what happened next with my spending habits: classic lifestyle inflation. Right out of grad school, I was making more money than both of my parents combined had ever made. I felt weird, gross, and guilty. Undeserving. (I still do, tbh.) I frankly did not know, and am still trying to figure out how, to adjust to this income bracket...about 4x what I was making before grad school (maybe even more). Each month, I am able to pay the full recommended payment for my student loan, I pay my rent, I pay all my credit card balances in full and never carry a balance, I've handled multiple veterinary emergencies for my cats without an issue, I place 10% of my income into a 401(k), etc. It's been a blessing and I still feel weird about it.

Soon after starting my job, I realized--hey--remember all those things you were never able to buy your whole life? You can afford them now. So I frankly went a little nuts. This was across the board--homewares, clothing, accessories, etc. But the biggest spending area by far was makeup. This is because I've just always loved makeup and cherished my one "fancy" Sephora purchase per year my whole life...and now I could "curate" my dream collection!

So the Sephora and Ulta boxes started rolling in. Good lord. You'd think I were a Youtube guru or something with the makeup I started buying. Granted, I only bought things I knew I'd actually like/use...and I DO like/use...but it's voluminous. And it's expensive. There's no way I'll hit pan on this stuff, despite the fact that I do my makeup most days of the week.

The issue is I've kept shopping, even though I hit my "ideal" collection--i.e., no holes for things I wanted while doing my makeup or experimenting with it--months ago. I've not gone into debt over it, but I am not saving money. And that is quite stupid, considering I'm finally making money and I'm spending it through brash consumerism.

I know the underlying reasons why I kept shopping for makeup in particular after I'd already gotten everything I needed/wanted. My "dream job" is in my not-dream city. You see, I moved 1,000 miles away from my home city (the place I love, and where my entire support system [aside from my boyfriend] is) to go to grad school, and my right-out-of-school job was in this city across the country. I hadn't anticipated staying in this city for so many years...but here I am, trying to make a go of it purely because this job is so good. And yet I'm not saving anything. It's shameful. But I've realized I shop when I'm anxious/sad/missing my family/etc., and because I really, really want to go home.

I had an aha! moment the other day, which brought me back here and really forced me to look at how fucking dumb I've been with my hard-earned money. My boyfriend told me he's been saving for an engagement ring, and commented that he felt "alarmed" by the amount of boxes that always come to the apartment. I was honest: I told him I have zero credit card debt, which is the truth, because I pay it off every month. But that I've been shopping a lot, and I miss home, and I think we need to move back in a couple of years. And I need to start saving for real, so we can do that.

So... that's the real end-goal, really. I love my makeup collection. It's basically the one I've wanted my whole life, and it's organized beautifully, and it brings me joy. It's my bit of mindfulness in the mornings while I get ready before a busy day, or before a fun night out. But I've also let it be a crutch--mindlessly browsing while sad--so much so that I'm not seeing any benefits of my hard work except in "things." That's not what I've busted my ass for.

So, here's my plan. I know I'm capable of no-buys because I'd done them my whole life until the past couple of years, LOL. I literally need nothing. I may restock on some empties like foundation or mascara or face lotion during the VIB Rouge sale, but that's it. I don't need another damn thing, and I have unsubscribed down the line to try to curb temptations (limited edition things really get me). I've joined the church of Kimberly Clark. I'm here.

WAY tl;dr: I'm finally making money for the first time in my life; I've spent it on non-essentials like makeup, skincare, and the like; and I'm going to try to exercise the willpower I did before I ever made money.

Here we go. :)

Thank you for reading, and I'm sorry for the length, but I needed to get it out.