Worst mind games my Nrents played

I think this disturbs me far more than anything else my Nrents did. Probably not the worst thing, but the one that makes me feel worst anyway. I just wanted to talk about it and see if anyone else had the same experience.

So at times, my parents would ask me a 'big question', one of great importance to them, such as "why do you drink alcohol when we don't?", "why are you staying in [my state] after grad school instead of coming back to us?", "why are you staying with [SO] after we made a snap judgment about her before we even met her?", or "how can you listen to this music?".

Bear in mind that all these examples (and most others I could mention) happened after I became an adult.

Anyway, they would ask me one of these questions, and I would try to answer honestly. Invariably, my first answer, the actual answer, got "but that's not the real reason, is it?". For the next half hour or longer, they would interrogate me about my reasons (it was always the 'why' or 'how' questions) and thoughts, trying to get to the "root of the problem" (it was always a problem).

Every minute of that time for me was desperately searching for any secondary reason, getting them thrown back or twisted around, and ultimately needing to fabricate something. Eventually, something I made up would satisfy them (no way of knowing what, either - it was impossible to know what the 'right' answer was). And then of course "there it is."; "that's the real reason, isn't it?"; or "NOW we have the real issue".

Whatever else came of those sessions was whatever, but the interrogation and forcing me to make up answers to satisfy them - it's hard to describe. Frustration, doubt, desperation, fear, shame - kind of all of those, but more even.

Things are better after going to snail mail only with them, but every time I recall these cases, it has such a physical impact on me. It's kind of my one trigger, being accused of lying when I'm not. I'd like to think I'm pretty honest, so I don't give people a reason to doubt me. It's something people say a lot as a joke though, and it's really hard not to respond with anger.

Anyone else have this? What were your 'big questions'? It feels good getting a chance to share this with a bigger group.